Booze: Crap Lager

It is a little known fact that I like beer. I like a good cask ale or a keg craft beer but I also like what you’d only describe as crap beer. All of the other beer geeks I know tut and shake their heads disapprovingly at me for drinking crap beer.

I say screw you.

Drinking good beer costs a lot of money and sometimes I don’t have the funds to warrant buying 5 or 6 decent beers at £2-3 a bottle. Sometimes I just want a few ice cold, inoffensive lagers that cost £4.50 for a 4 pack. What?

Fair enough, said beers are cheaply made, highly processed and are from faceless corporations who don’t care about the consumer but you know what? I’m cheap, faceless and don’t care about the corporations.

There are some cheapies I don’t drink, like Stella Artois for instance. It’s pointless drinking a beer nicknamed “wifebeater” when you’ve got no wife to beat! Absolutely pointless! I also won’t drink Sol or Corona because I’m not in Mexico and I certainly don’t want to have to add a slice of lime to my beer to make it bearable.

A while ago my mate Matt and I went through a phase of sinking an 8 pack of Budweiser between us 4 nights a week whilst watching It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia but I think I drank way too much for it to even be bearable anymore.

I used to be a big San Miguel drinker but it became a lot less common in pubs around here and it’s pretty expensive in the shops for something so standard so I kind of lost my taste for it.

Just lately it’s been all about the Carling and it’s not just because of Kristy’s mad PR skills... I actually like Carling. It feels good to say it out loud. Please, beer geeks of the world, do not disown me. I like Carling. I wouldn’t call it nice, oh no, it is what it is. You can buy a crate of 20 for £12 in co-op. That’s good enough for a few days. Chill it. Pour it into a glass. Don’t overthink it. Just fookin’ drink it. Why do these twazzocks on ratebeer even bother reviewing beers like this? IT IS NOT MEANT TO BE CRITIQUED! IT IS MEANT TO BE DRANK COLD AND JUST ENJOYED. NOBODY THINKS IT’S NICE! WE KNOW THIS! I DRINK IT BECAUSE IT IS CHEAP AND INOFFENSIVE! I drink it when I don’t want to sit there for 30 minutes thinking “Hmm... this is blah blah hops, ooh some bloop too, bleep profile”. Sorry, Molson Coors, not for what I said but for what others have said. I buy your beer. A lot. Too much, maybe. I ain't an alcoholic; I just drink a lot (In the words of Scroobius Pip). I sometimes just want something simple to drink and that something simple is Carling. Get over it, beer geeks.

Nate Dawg has left the building.


  1. Only joking Nate... I know where you are coming from. I do the same with Banks's bitter. It is inoffensive, pretty dire rubbish. But I can get em at less than a quid a throw in the local offies. Chill em in the fridge, take em to a barbie, along with a couple of quality beers. Cheap enough to leave there.

    Loved this, you are who you are, and you ain't afraid to tell anyone.

    Rock on mon ami :D


    1. Indeed.

      Good point about the barbeque thing. You don't want to go to a party with awesome yet expensive beers that you spend the whole time guarding with your life because they're too awesome for everyone else (who probably won't like them anyway).

      I ain't afraid of no beer geeks!

  2. I tell you in the Cherry Tree for a limited time only we have Wychwood's Wychmist. Come in after work on Thursday and I will buy you a pint.

  3. Its Blower by the way. And as im off to Corfu for 6 months in a couple of weeks, we need a beer and a chat.

    1. That's insane bro! Woah. Will definitely see you Thursday!


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